Long Distance Relationships.

Hello!

So, a very good friend of mine has been attached for the past 4 years. Out of these 4 years, 2 went by with her and her partner being 6,302 km apart. My friend is now single. She broke up with her boyfriend on her most recent trip back. And because I base my philosophies of life off my friends, I have come to the conclusion that long distance relationships don't work. And let me tell you why.

#1 Communication Issues.

So, both you and I and everyone else out there knows, conveying your thoughts to another party is not as straightforward as it may seem. It's easy for views to be misinterpreted. This can be due to a few reasons. Sometimes, it's because you can't find the right words. Sometimes, the person you're talking to is distracted with who posted what on Instagram. And sometimes, the moron that you're dealing with doesn't have the mental capacity to process the sentences in your email.

When you're part of a couple, you expect the other person to get what you are saying immediately because you take it forgranted that you go through same thought processes and work on the same wavelengths. But come on, everyone has argued with their partner over communication issues. Whether he dismissed your opinion with an eyeroll, or replied you with that annoying "...", when communication problems crop up, trouble ensues.

And it's worse when one party is miles away. All those pesky little texting habits will accumulate into a giant ball of FML which will ultimately explode in your face. And you won't be able to solve it. Because violence is only effective if his is standing in front of you, and not when he is miles away.

#2 Recounting Issues.

During the course of their relationship, it's normal for couples to meet, exchange saliva pleasantries, and ask each other about their day. This can be done over a meal, during an evening walk, or amid amorous activities.

But this isn't the same when one party is overseas. Because what this means is that each of you will have to sit in front of your computer and not move for the next 20 minutes to listen to your partner talk about his day. And then you will spend the next 20 minutes talking about your own day. Which I feel is a very frivolous activity.

Why? We're Singaporean. There is a certain rigid structure to our lives. So much so that we kick up a huge fuss if the MRT takes just 3 minutes longer than usual to arrive and we expect McDonald's to give us free stuff if our orders take more than 1 minute to come. Because of this structure, our daily activities are unlikely to vary by more than 5% from day to day. Hence, sitting still for the sole purpose of sharing every single component of your day is not a worthwhile activity.

But you know if this exchange happens in real life then all is fine and good.

#3 Accountability Issues.

I guess that it's safe to assume that normal couples will text each other throughout the day when they're both residing in the same country. Because you know, what else can you do to avoid awkward encounters in the lift, in the toilet and in POSB ATM queues?

Yeah. So it makes sense to let your partner know where you're going, or what you're doing. You know, to keep the conversation flowing and also to make your whereabouts known in case you decide to meet later on.

But this is different when one partner is overseas. And many blame this on a phenomenon which we refer to as "time difference". So while half of the couple is awake and having a wonderful lunch, the other half might be sleeping and missing out on many cool Instagram updates. While one might be rushing out a paper at work, the other might be clubbing and having a wonderful time. And so on. Because of this, it doesn't make that much sense to provide each other with real time updates. Why would you want to interrupt your partner's party time with elements of your work? Or, heaven forbid, wake your sleeping partner up with mundane details of your lunch?

So this reporting every single activity you carry out in real time? Doesn't make sense for long distance relationships.

#4 Trust Issues.

Before you embarked on your long distance relationship, I guess you must have had a talk and set some ground rules. I assume that your relationship was not a lond distance once from the start. Because no one would go "Babe, let's get into a relationship where we see each other just once or twice a year." If any guy ever proposes that you do this, walk away.

I would assume that your ground rules would go something along the lines of this:

1. Talk to each other everyday.
2. Visit once in two months.
3. No cheating.

I take issue with the third point. Not because I am for cheating of course, but because there is no way of verifying that your partner is not cheating on you. You just have to trust that this is not happening. And this can be difficult for many. Which of course, may result in yet another argument that neither of you would have a solution to.

#5 Reconcialiation Issues.

So, because of the many issues and problems which I listed above, I guess couples will inevitably run into some problems and argue. Arguments are unpleasant. But it's okay when you're in the same country. Because there's this expression which goes, "kiss and make up". I've heard that it's popular even with animals.

Anyway, the saying goes, KISS, and make up. This means to say that you have to physically meet each other, disccuss whatever underlying problems that you might have and KISS. Otherwise your problems will be forever lingering in the background waiting to emerge and pounce on you at the most inopportune of moments. Like during your appraisal with your boss. Fun times.
As there will be no way for couples in a LDR (the Singaporean in me has taken over) to meet, LDR couples must accept that they will always have unresolved problems hanging over their heads, and that their relationship has a closer than usual expiration date.

A long time ago, this guy who was in a long distance relationship explained that when you are in a LDR, your relationship is based on memories and things which happened in the past. It's not progressing. Sooner or later your memories will fade as you make new ones with other people. Your relationship hits a dead end and you break up.
The truth is, no one chooses to be in a long distance relationship. I know you have articles on Buzzfeed like "19 Reasons Why Long-Distance Relationships Are Better Than You Think", and pieces on Thought Catalogue like "10 Ways Long-Distance Relationships Make People – And Love – Stronger". But I personally feel this is all nonsense that people have conjured up to make themselves feel better. I don't know, but I notice that all successful relationships are documented with a picture of the couple. Together. In the same picture. I think this is only possible if they were in the same physical space, and not miles away from each other.
Anyway it is time for me to sleep now. I am sleepy. But first, let me leave you with this good song.

Cheers!
❤ Jac.

*Blog post is not reflective of Jac's current relationship. Stop analysing and overthinking. Thanks.