This might sound funny.

Hello guys!

Sorry once again for the lack of posts over the past week but you see, I was in the UK doing British things like sitting on the grass with my alcohol and my Longchamp bag. (I really need a new chapalang bag).

Yes yes. I'm aware that I only just came back from Taiwan as mentioned here. But you see, I had a wedding to attend. In a castle.

The Lindisfarne Castle on Holy Island in Northumberland to be exact. Very small wedding with only 28 people. I was clearly invited because I am obviously royalty.

Oops. Wrong photo. I meant.

And you know I think many people have this notion that you get to take very glamorous photos in grand looking parts of the castle. But the truth is that most of the stuff is really old. So you can't sit or touch them. So while you may get really nice half-body shots like this...

The truth of the matter is that you have to hover over some crickety old chair. Like this.

Please note that I had to hold this position for about 5 minutes. Because you see that window to my left? Backlight. Also, note my 4.5 inch heels. I suddenly felt pain in muscles that I never knew existed.

Anyway, new post will be up soon, sorry for the delay, and also I am very scared to check the amount of leave I have for the rest of the year. And now I leave you with a song featuring my favourite British rapper.

Goodbye!

❤ Jac.

Hello guys!

I AM BACK! Clearly the only way to make me post frequently on my blog is to send me on wonderful holidays with lots of fun things for me to do. Like what Scoot did for me!

The great people at Scoot decided that it would be amusing to send me to Taiwan to talk to the locals in Taiwan and see what I can learn from them. They did not consider that I might come back with nothing because my spoken Chinese is like...

I kid of course. It’s more like this.

Well, maybe not this bad. But let’s just say it’s not that great. Anyway, when I told my friends that I was going to Taiwan, they all started telling me all sorts of things like…

Which is all fine and well. But the thing is, that they all revolved around Taipei. Which I was going to spend a minimal amount of time in. And I also realised that friends, all of whom travel to Taiwan quite frequently, didn’t know much about what was beyond Taipei.

But no worries. Jac who has now been to Taiwan will tell you about some of her favourite places in Taiwan which are not in Taipei.

(Read: stop going to Taipei all the time and go to these places instead.)

#1 Anping Treehouse(安平樹屋)

So here’s a really cool place in the middle of Tainan. Built in 1867, the structure is a former salt warehouse which switched hands from Tait & Co, to the Japan Salt Company, and finally to the Taiwan Salt Corporation just after World War II.

Soon after, the salt industry declined and the warehouse was abandoned by human kind. And then the plants took over.

Which results in what you see today! An amalgamation of a banyan tree and a house. Pretty cool eh? Very "Little Shop of Horrors", which coincidentally, was the first scary movie I watched. (I was 3. Of course I found it scary).

(Via Screen Insults).

Okay so I think everyone knows by now that my holiday mantra goes something like this – If it can be climbed, I will climb it.

Road signs.

(Taken near the Draa River, Morroco).

Piles of bricks.

(Taken in N'kob, Morocco).

Ice walls.

(Taken at the Sólheimajökull Glacier, Iceland).

The list goes on. So Anping Treehouse was a treat for me! I was like ~~a bull in a china shop~~ kid in a candy store!

So for once, I could join the girls in taking #OOTDs. I hope you like my pose.

James also decided to join in on the fun. Or rather, James tried and I photobombed (rather successfully if I might add).

Watch my photobomb here!

Good place. Read more here.

#2 National Museum of Marine Biology and Aquarium (國立海洋生物博物館)

Well, I got to sleep with the fishes and spend a night at the museum. It’s like Pirates of the Caribbean meets, well, Night at the Museum.

You can pretend that you’re starring in some weird movie crossover, sans Ben Stiller and Johnny Depp.

Except you know, you don't get Johnny Depp or Ben Stiller. Just like, James and a pair of belugas.

(Why? You look very glam when you are going to sleep is it?)

But apart from sleeping with aquatic life aimlessly gliding above you, the museum also conducts organised night tours, so that you can get a glimpse of how differently the underwater world looks like in the day as compared to the night.

(They did actually show us aquatic life like moray eels and such. But my photos didn't turn out well. Sorry.)

There’s also a segment where you get to go behind-the-scenes to take a look at how the aquarium is run, from how they prepare food for the fish, to how they keep the water in the tanks clean.

And yes, you do get to feed the fish. If you listen carefully, you can hear some of my halting Chinese at the end.

There’s also a rocky beach at the back of the museum which is known as the intertidal zone. And they bring you there for a stroll so that you can check out the sealife that’s hanging out there. Like this dead crab that James found. Steamboat anyone?

And you can also use this time to take cool poser-ish photos to add on to your travel collection.

And if you need an excuse to buy some new footwear at a night market, you can take this opportunity to lose one of your slippers in a rock pool. Just like how shopping queen Alene did here!

Unfortunately for her, helpful James managed to get her slipper out. No new shoes for her then.

Read more about the National Museum of Marine Biology and Aquarium here.

#3 Jingzaijiao Tile-paved Salt Fields (井仔腳瓦盤鹽田)

I’ll be honest here. The reason why I liked this place was because it was nothing like I’ve ever seen before. I’ve seen deserts.

(Taken in the Sahara Desert, Morocco).

Waterfalls.

(Taken at the Niagra Falls, Canada).

Rivers.

(Taken near the Draa River, Morroco).

Glaciers.

(Taken at the Sólheimajökull Glacier, Iceland).

But never have I seen a field with regularly spaced out mounds of salt. It was awesome!

You even got to rake your own salt pile!

I cannot make out what I said at the end. I'm sure I did not say "Raking Pro God." but I can't match it with anything else. Raking OMG? I really can't tell. But maybe that's what I really meant to say because as you can tell, I'm clearly a Raking Pro God.

They also sell salted coffee there. Which tastes like regular coffee with a pimped-up name.

Yeah anyway I loved the salt fields! I thought it was awesome!

Or yes, maybe it was just the Taiwan beer.

Read more about the Jingzaijiao Tile-paved Salt Fields here. Or you can scan their QR code here.

(Photo by dude,sg).

#4 Qi Gu Salt Mountain (七股鹽山)

If many small mounds of salt is good, then one giant hill of salt must be even better. About 6 storeys or 20 m tall, it’ll take you all of 2 minutes to climb up and back down again. Taking a photo from the top of the hill however, might take a little more time than that given the number of people clamouring to get the best view from the peak.

I don’t really get why it’s a mountain, it’s really not that high. HOWEVER! The area does play host to a suite of other activities. Like soaking in a dead sea-like environment.

Or going quad-biking.

Yes. I’ll be a fantastic driver. But to give a bit of background, the girls told me that they would be wearing pretty dresses for their #OOTD shots. And so I too, decided to wear a pretty dress. But the thing about pretty dresses, I found out, is that they don’t really go well with like say, quad-biking. And so, during my ride, I somehow managed to flip the bike. Because I was adjusting my #OOTD of course. Listen to my involuntary post-fall interview here.

It was fun though. And the Taiwanese people in charge of the station were extremely nice about it. They kept asking if I was ok, gave me a cloth and water to clean my legs, and asked if I wanted to go again. (Siao. Would you let me near that thing if you saw how I flipped it?) And my good friend James just laughed at me ok. How untaiwanese of him.

(Also here you can see him trying to overtake me.)

Anyway, in case you're concerned for my welfare, I managed to jump off the bike in mid-flip and emerged relatively unscatched. I have quick reflexes you see. So my modesty, diginity and balance remained intact. The guys were very impressed so they gave me a crown.

Whoops. I mean...

Read more about the Qi Gu Salt Mountain here.

#5 Kenting National Park (墾丁國家公園歡迎頁)

Because of the fairy cave, which I thought was very impressive. And also there was a big rock for me (and also James and Eugene) to climb.

(And from this you can probably tell that three different cameras were used. Guess which shot was taken by the DSLR! :P)

Apart from that, there was also a lookout tower which gives you a pretty decent view of Kenting, and various other highlights like an enormous maple tree which you could hide in.

(I'm an extremely graceful human being as you can probably tell.)

Also one stalagmite.

Which was coincidentally in the same cave where Eugene and I found more rocks to pose on in a "Paint me like one of your French girls" way.

And also this tree which was one of the shoot locations for Life of Pi.

(Photos via Fengniao.com).

And if you like, you can also do some yoga in the park.

Read more about the Kenting National Park here.

Bonus: Fairy Lake Leisure Farm (南仙湖休闲农场)

You might be wondering why I didn't put any farms into my list even though ew visited like, at least four on our trip to Taiwan. Well, it's really because I'm biased. I like to climb things. I can't climb things in farms. I did try though.

(Taken at the Ladybug Organic Farm (小瓢虫有机农场), Taiwan).

But as you can tell, it's just a pile of dirt. Anyway, climbing aside, I really liked this Fairy Lake Leisure Farm because of the range of activities that was offered there. Like learning about how lychees are dried.

Which is basically a long drawn process involving the ability to withstand smoke and heat over a long period of time, and requires passion, dedication and manual labour. In summary, not something I can do. I would rather play tiptoe though the tulips. Or in this case, the tiptoe through the pinwheels.

And we also got to make friends with animals like James and his fellow pig.

(To be clear, I am not insulting James. He is born in the year of the pig. I can come up with better insults.)

And me and my goat friend.

Me and some chicks. ~~And a bitch.~~

And James and me with our new friends.

AKA his latest fashion accessory.

Doesn't he look so handsome? Please encourage him to use this as his new profile picture everyone.

Oh and I did also get to pluck some tomatoes in my normal graceful fashion.

From this you can infer that I wasn't very successful in plucking tomatoes. So here is a picture of me and a bunch of unripe tomatoes.

So I moved on to the asparagus. (I am lazy to Google for the plural of asparagus. So I am going to pretend that there is no plural for it. I decided it was better than inventing my own term like "asparagi" or "asparages" or "asparaguses".)

But as you can tell from my 2 cm asparagus, I wasn't very successful at that either. So I found a pile of lychee branches and clambered around, because that's what I do best.

(What are you talking about? Of course I did not intentionally take a picture with the sign for "fire starters".)

Okay and now I've come to the end of great places in Taiwan which aren't located in Taipei. I hope that you found it useful/informative/entertaining. Also I apologise for my voice. This is exactly why I did this video with lots of paper and subtitles.

(OMFG I completely forgot about this video. This is terrible. Also full post here. Also I was in Shanghai with Edwina. And I had to make some urgent calls.)

So if my previous post on 10 things that you propbably didn't know about Taiwan wasn't convincing enough to get you to book tickets via Scoot, here's some more motivation of course - Scoot now flies to Kaohsiung with fares starting as low as $88 exclusive of taxes and surcharges.

Also! Scoot's promo with Taipei fares is still ongoing so just head over to SCOOT and quote "loveTW40" to enjoy 40% off flights to Taipei. You're welcome guys!

Also, if you would like to read more substantial and less frivolous stuff about Taiwan, don't forget to visit the blogs of my travel buddies Alene and Celine!

(And from this photo you probably can tell that I am like 20 million shades darker than my beauty blogger friends.)

Jac would like to give thanks to Scoot and Taiwan Tourism Bureau for empowering her with yet another reason to go on holiday.

Cheers,
❤ Jac.

Hello guys!

So as you know, I go on lots of holidays because I get restless when I'm not engaging in some kind of activity. Why just this year alone I've already been to...

Berlin.

Amsterdam.

Taiwan.

And the United Kingdom.

Yes. And April's not even over yet. My frequent travelling has of course, caused my leave balance to suffer. I have a grand total of 3 days of vacation leave left for the rest of the year. Which is really sad if you think about it. That's 3 days to last me for 8 months! I was devastated.

James is not devastated. As he has plenty of vacation leave left. And I would have remained in a state of extreme distress if not for this wonderful piece of news right here.

It's the long awaited HTC One M9 guys! I've been waiting for it to be released for the longest time! Not because I'm unhappy with the phones I have now of course, I'm more than contented with my current arsenal of HTC phones.

(From left to right: The HTC RE, the HTC One M8, the HTC Butterfly 2, and the HTC Desire EYE,)

But you know, seeing new and shiny things makes me happy.Just check it out. Isn't it great?

I know. Anyway, let me tell you why I'm so excited over HTC's latest flagship phone.

#1 The Cameras.

Remember how impressed I was with my Desire EYE and it's impressive 13 megapixel primary and secondary cameras? Well, the HTC One M9 boasts a 20 megapixel primary camera crafted from sapphire crystal. So you get clearer pictures via a more scratch-resistant lens.

Which is awesome. Considering I had to get the lens of my HTC One M7 replaced because I scratched it somewhere in China, possibly when I was jumping off the Macau Tower or something.

Anyway, the front camera of the HTC One M9 has also been upgraded to a 4 UltraPixel™ camera from the previous 5 megapixel version of the M8. I don't know how I feel about this, but what HTC says is that, you'll get loads of "sensational selfies".

Maybe HTC has yet to meet me, queen of all terrible selfies.

And what we have above is an example of my terrible selfie skills. It took me about 6 tries to get this selfie right. So much so that both James and Eugene were able to photobomb me.

So, looking forward to testing the new front camera out and seeing my selfies go from bad to rad, Especially with the wide angle lens to as much of the background in without distorting it and true-to-life colours. Clubbing photos will never be the same again. (I hope.)

#2 HTC BoomSound and Dolby Audio™ Surround.

One thing I really appreciate about my HTC One M8, and M7 for that matter, is that the speakers are located on the front of the phone. So that you know, blasting trashy hip-hop from my phone becomes more effective in drowning out background noises. Then you know, I can pretend that the air-conditioner is in working optimally and is not making any unnatural whirring noises. Yes.

(Via Quick Meme).

So I'm very glad that HTC kept the position of the speakers for the M9.

They apparantly have also combined the signature HTC BoomSound with 5.1 channel Dolby® Surround sound to give you the feeling that you're in iMAX. I can't wait. Ignoring my everyday problems will now be easier than ever! Not that ignoring problems or people were a problem with my previous phones of course.

Me using my HTC One XL and ignoring some Moroccan kids.

Me using my HTC One M7 and happily ignoring the world.

Me on my HTC Desire EYE and ignoring the Chinese New Year.

I look forward to being empowered further with the HTC One M9.

#3 The Accessories.

I know this sounds kind of silly, but I'm really looking forward to the new accessories that can be used together with the M9. Like the second generation HTC Dot View case! As everyone might already be aware, I'm obsessed with taking videos of the seasonal animations that get refreshed with the current Dot View. Like this one from Christmas!

Hohoho check out the seasonal theme of my dot view!!!
A video posted by Jacqueline (@behindthebasics) on Dec 25, 2014 at 3:32am PST

So I'm really excited that the new Dot View will be coming with enhanced capabilities to allow you to play simple Pong-like games through the case.

And if you don't already know, I quite like Pong-like games.

I'm also very interested in the HTC Active Case and Headphones.

Because you know, I quite enjoy bringing my phones with me whetever I go. Whether it is to the Blue Lagoon in Iceland to take photos in a waterlogged environment...

Or to the bathroom to handwash my clothes...

So it's really handy that the HTC Desire EYE is waterproof.

The problem is though, that I can't listen to music while I'm busy, so these waterproof earphones will come in handy. (Yes I know I can buy waterproof speakers and connect them via bluetooth. But I'm not going to carry my speakers to Iceland now will I?)

And that's essentially why I'm very excited about the HTC One M9. I can't wait to try it out! Oh and also because Robert Downey Jr,, who plays my favourite Avenger, endorses this phone. Like he did my previous phone. Which was good. So logic dictates that the HTC One M9 must be good as well given that he made an entire mini-series for the M9. Here are some of my favourite ones.

And now I will end off with a video of what I consider to be the greatest HTC ad of all time.

And that's basically it guys! I hope to get a chance to try this new phone. Will update you guys once I do! Or you can just wait until my contract is up. And then I will buy it. Right away.

And now, back to Daredevil.

Cheers!
❤ Jac.

The HTC One M9 will be available at Singtel, Starhub, and M1 shops in single-tone gunmetal grey and dual-tone silver and rose gold on Saturday, 2 May 2015, at a recommended retail price of $1,008 (without contract).

Hey guys!

So by now I suppose that you’ve already gone through my previous posts on Scoot sending me to Taiwan and are now itching to head over to the wonderful land of night markets, fried food, and bubble tea.

And farms of course. They do have many farms.I would like to announce that I’ve been to more farms than night markets in Taiwan. I went to like, maybe three night markets.

And maybe twenty million farms.

I exaggerate of course. It was just five farms. And a place where you could farm salt. So maybe five and a half farms.

But I digress. So yes. You want to go to Taiwan now because of my wonderful narrative skills. And you’re not sure of what you should be doing in Taiwan. But that’s okay. Because I will now proceed to tell you what you should totally do in Taiwan just because you can’t do it back home. Makes for an exciting trip you know. And also you should take it from me because I’m worldly and knowledgeable as always.

So here goes…

1. Drink beer on the streets at 10:31 pm.

Have you heard about the recent alcohol restrictions? Sure you have. I know I was really upset. So this is me and James having one last drink on the streets before the restrictions kicked in.

But you know who hasn’t heard of the restrictions? Taiwan. Needless to say, here we are drinking on the streets of Tainan. At the Da Dong Night Market. Because you can do that even after the clock strikes 10 (thirty).

Alcohol in your bubble tea. The drinks from your childhood have never tasted better. Only in Taiwan guys.

2. Order Starbucks in Mandarin.

So you know how Scoot challenged the not exactly very effectively bilingual me to immerse myself in Taiwanese culture? No? Here's the video.

What happens when we challenge 3 city girls to go off the beaten track to discover the hidden gems of Taiwan? Celine, Alene and Jacqueline will be going out of their comfort zone to discover the other side of Taiwan for 7 days! They will be sharing some of the interesting food discoveries, quirky and cool finds, and popular culture stories. PLUS, they’ll be up for daily challenges during their stay too! Who will fare better? Stay tuned to find out more :)
Posted by FlyScoot on Wednesday, 8 April 2015

WELL. I think I did quite a good job you know. This is me ordering two grande non-fat lattes to go. IN MANDARIN!.

(I paused to give my initials for dramatic effect. Not because I was working her question out in my head, or wondering if I should give my name in Mandarin or English.)

Anyway! I can also order a non-fat sugar-free vanilla latte. And also a non-fat sugar-free espresso vanilla frappe. In Mandarin.

Try doing that in Singapore. And bring me along. If you successfully order a drink from the barista in Mandarin on your first try, I will pay for your drink.

3. Buy mammoth ivory.

So Eugene and I wandered to the Jade Market in Taipei and it was filled with people selling, well, jade.

And apparently, anyone can set up a stall there. Even Eugene and I. Here are some pictures of our stall. We are selling important stuff. Like air and ideas.

And there were other people selling other stuff too of course. Like teapots (that were not made of jade).

Pearls.

These thingamabobs.

And also mammoth ivory.

Apparently legal. So you know, if you’re clamouring to have some mammoth ivory to complete your latest #OOTD, you know where to find some.

4. Drink drive.

So, by now you probably have heard of my excellent driving abilities on the quad bike at the Qi Gu Salt Mountain.

I was adjusting my dress when the quad bike flipped over. Full explanation here. But just so that you know, I wasn’t the most dangerous driver on the track. There was James who was trying to be a speed demon (behind me).

And also Eugene.

Eugene had wanted to be photographed on the dirt track with his can of Taiwan Beer. So he brought an almost empty can to the track. The guy in charge said (in Mandarin), “You can't drink it while driving. But if you finish all your beer now it’s ok.”

Taiwan is awesome.

5. Star gaze.

So we were spending the night at the National Museum of Marine Biology and Aquarium and the guys and I decided to go for a stroll outside to…I don’t know man. Probably drink beer and act wise and knowledgeable.

Because the museum is located in almost the middle of nowhere, it was really dark. And so we could see the stars! And you know, because I am innately quite a poser, I convinced the guys to take some emo shots with “feels”.

What? If you happen to be in the company of professional photographers/videographers, you have to make the most of it right? Because realistically, this would most likely be how it would turn out if you took it without professional help - lame and not so good.

Later on, Alene and Celine joined in too! So feels right? I was extremely proud of my idea. #swag

Yeah and this is obviously not something that you can do in Singapore. Apart from the light pollution from the many city lights, you might also get jabbed in the face by a selfie stick from a teenager trying to take a selfie with the night sky. So, yeah. Only in Taiwan, not so much in Singapore.

6. Have offensive signs/ names.

Here is me and a shop called “Ecstasy”. I actually do not know what they sell. Probably clothes and not ecstasy though.

And this is us and “That F*cking Place”.

Which is a very four-square worthy bar.

I don’t know, but somehow I don’t think such names would fly very well in Singapore. Where even French Connection United Kingdom (read: FCUK) caused a big hoo-ha a while back because of its “controversial” branding. More here.

Anyway, I like seeing such signs around. As apparent from some of my prized possessions. Like my mug right here.

But never in Singapore. Just you know, in Taiwan and other places.

7. Graffiti.

Ahh graffiti. Creative expression of the youth who can’t seem to do so on store-bought paper. Totally unacceptable in Singapore unless you get permission or if it’s done under regulations, but seemingly widespread in Taiwan. Take a look at some of the very classy examples I found at the “Southwest Coast National Scenic Area (雲嘉南濱海國家風景區)".

Scenic indeed. Anyway, if you're looking for graffiti which is a little bit more, well, less alternative, there’s even a village dedicated to a war vetaran’s doodles. He just, was bored and decided to splash paint over an entire village.

And no, he did not have to get his designs pre-approved illustrations nor did he have a designated plot of land to paint on. This is clearly anarchy in it's purest form.

8. Celebrating Christmas all year round.

Taiwan is a very polite society. I get that feeling because of all the signs that they put up. Even on the ground.

Bird ahead.

Frog ahead.

Seven is up and six is down.

Careful of the rocks, careful you might fall, careful of the stairs.

It’s like the Taiwanese are too polite to tell you to open your eyes and watch where you’re going! So they put up many accurate signs to do the job for them. The best sign is of course. This one.

I love Christmas and I wish to stay in Taiwan to celebrate it all year round.

9. Littering.

At the first farm we went to, the Ladybug Organic Farm, we were given oranges to eat. So we peeled them and ate them. They were extremely sweet and juicy. Very delicious.

The problem was though, that we did not know where to throw the skins. And we were instructed by Mr Wu, the farmer who ran the place, to throw them on the ground. They were after all, organic material. Which would help to nourish the growing crops anyway.

So that’s what everyone did. Everyone except me. Because ingrained in me is the Singaporean mentality that I CANNOT LITTER.

I finally did though, after 10 minutes or so. Here’s a photo of me looking distressed because I was about to litter.

Sigh. It was along and arduous task. The people at the Clean and Green movement should be so proud of me. And yes. I'm aware that I deserve the limelight and the money that Kim Kardashian gets, given that I ressemble her oh-so-much.

10. Wonder where the bin is.

Taiwan is a relatively clean place. With the exception of fruit peels in the farms, you don’t usually see a lot of litter on the ground. Here do you see any litter in these photos?

But that does not mean that dustbins are easy to find. THEY ARE NO WHERE TO BE FOUND.
Here are some pictures. Do you see any dustbins?

No you do not. Because there are none in sight. It made James very annoyed because he always had some empty coffee cups/ empty Coke Zero bottles (that may be my fault) that he was lugging around. Here! Look at this collage I put together. I call it "James and the Empty Coffee Cup".

SO WHERE ARE THE DUSTBINS?! Such a scenario would not be probable in Singapore where dustbins are located within 5 metres of wherever you are. But we found out where dustbins are always located at. At temples.

James, “BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE ARE PRAYING FOR – A PLACE TO DUMP THEIR TRASH."

Okay and that wraps up my post on things you can do in Taiwan that you can do in Singapore. Hope you found it useful. I think it’s quite informative don’t you?

Oh and one final sign. This is not a trash.

Lies. It's the trash I took out just the other day.

Okay so yes. That's more or less the end of my post. OH WAIT> Instagram giveaway results. Yes yes. As you guys might have know, I held a giveaway for 3 pairs of Scoot tickets on Instagram.

A photo posted by Jacqueline (@behindthebasics) on Apr 26, 2015 at 5:37am PDT

And congratulations @jingrawrs, @amosyeo, and @augustinchiam! You've each won Scoot vouchers worth $100 per pair!If you need ideas on where to go, here's a suggestion - book tickets to Taiwan with Scoot! You can even fly to one city and out from the other. Fares start from from $118 to Taipei and $88 to Kaohsiung!

Also, if you would like to read more substantial and less frivolous stuff about Taiwan, don't forget to visit the blogs of my travel buddies Alene and Celine!

Jac would like to give thanks to Scoot and Taiwan Tourism Bureau for empowering her with yet another reason to go on holiday.

And would like to thank her new friends for being awesome travel companions.

(Stolen from Alene's blog. She's nice and won't mind).

Also to James! For readily agreeing to go to Taiwan with me when I randomly asked. You are not bad at times.

Okay that's all. Bye then!

❤ Jac.

Hi guys!

So before I start showing you pictures of me engaging in miscellaneous outdoor and nature related activities, I would like to remind everyone that I still appreciate doing things like, drinking at bars at being happening. Indoors. Like here at the Cointreau x Zalora paty at Zui Hong Lou.

Inner voice, "Jac that was 3 months ago."

Jac, "Shut up."

So recently, I have been doing the whole tourist in your own country thing with my friend James. Not the James who drives me to the airport when I go on holiday I mean. This James. Way too proud owner of his pineapple hat James.

Anyway, we have been doing very touristy things during the weekends. Like, going to Marina Barrage.

Or like, going to McRitchie.

Or like, going to the National Orchid Garden.

Digression - Excuse me did you guys know that the National Orchid Garden was in the Botanic Gardens? I thought not. Have you been there? I thought not either. You have to pay $5 to get in. That’s why only tourists go there. Us Singaporeans are too cheap.

Anyway, last Sunday, we went to Pulau Ubin. Because James said something along the lines of, “Do you want to go to Pulau Ubin?” And I said, “Okay.” Same as how I got roped into going to Morocco, a 10 km run up Mount Faber, and OCBC Cycle.

Or like, going to Pulau Ubin. To cycle.

Yeah I realise I'm not cycling here. But James didn't send me any pictures of me cycling. They may be too painful for public consumption. So here is me, James, and a wild boar.

To clarify, the one on my left is James, not the wild boar. And yes, he only has one expression when it comes to taking photos.

But coming back to my point - going to such places is fine really. But what you realise when you go on such outdoor expeditions is that sometimes, you get bitten by mosquitoes. Sometimes for you. All the time for me. I get them in the double digits, ALL THE TIME. I’m not exaggerating. Here. Check out this photo from 2008.

No I wasn't dancing around Sungei Buloh in a bikini ok. I was hanging out in school and eating some food. Something like this.

Except that we were all wearing jeans and eating chicken nuggets.

But that's not the point. The point is, that a mosquito decided to bite me through the fabric of my shirt multiple times instead of you know, BITING SOMEONE ELSE. James insists that this is why he asks me to tag along on his excursions - because I keep the mosquitoes away from him. I think he asks me along because all pests, whether human or otherwise, find my company enchanting. And why wouldn't they? I'm delightful.

Anyway, you know what they always come up with lists on why some people are more likely to get lung cancer (smokers), more likely to get hit on the head (tall people), or more likely to die single and alone (me)? Well I have come up with my own list. Here's a list on...

#1 Blood Type.

So according to all sorts of reports and all sorts of official sources like Smithsonian Mag, mosquitoes prefer to feed on people of a certain blood type. Which happens to be my blood type. Blood type O. O for like...

Which is I guess what all the mosquitoes in the world have been doing.

#2 Clothes.

So also according to my research, mosquitoes are fashionable creatures. They are drawn to people who display a certain finesse when it comes to dressing up. And sadly, in this case, my timeless style is my downfall.

Yes, Black is à la mode this season, last season, and the rest of your life. Take it from me. The mosquitoes love it.

#3 Alcohol.

Mosquitoes are alcoholics. They like people who drink alcohol.

Stupid alcoholic mosquitoes. Don't they know that alcohol is bad for them?

(Note: I read this on PubMed. And judging from the name, you know that they are a trustworthy source for information on alcohol and medicine).

#4 Movement.

Well, apparently mosquitoes are more attacted to individuals who move more. I'm lazy, I don't exercise, and I don't fidget. Why I'm just about the most patient person around.

Yeah. So, patient person. Can wait for hours. Not fidgety. So I really can't imagne why mosquitoes would want to bite me.

(Also, to be clear, that was Chinese James, not Ang Moh James.)

#5 CO₂ Emissions.

Mosquitoes are more attracted to individuals who give off more CO₂. This means the higher the volume of CO₂ you emit, the higher the number of mosquitoes that you will have attracted to you. You know what gives of loads of CO₂? Fire.

I can't help that I'm fire burning on the dance floor.

Oops. That was me being passed out on the gym floor. Anyway, fire burning on the dance floor.

Yup. Shawty has her problems.

#6 Body Heat.

Mosquitoes like people with higher body temperatures.

Their words, not mine. (And please do not discount the heat given off by the fire burning from my dancing. Whether from my hot dancing, or people setting their eyes on fire as a result of watching me dance).

#7 Being Sweet.

I am an extremely sweet person. I can't help it. It's in my blood. Just look at me. I'm the epitome of sweet.

Oops wrong photo. I meant this.

Well, studies have shown that people who exude sweetness tend to attract mosquitoes. And you must be like,

"Jac. You attract mosquitoes because you inhale Coke Light like a water-starved camel."

WRONG. Mosquitoes are attracted to people who secrete saccharides through their skin. Coke Light is pumped full of Aspartame, which, I quote Wikipedia, is "an artificial, non-saccharide sweetener".

In English that means,

SUCK IT PEOPLE. I CAN DRINK AS MUCH COKE LIGHT AS I WANT.

And I have come to the end of my list! Sure I've missed out a couple of other points like pregnancy (I've never been pregnant), body odour (I smell wonderful), and bacteria count (I'm a borderline hypochondriac who walks around with a backpack full of wet wipes, hand sanitiser, and a gun to kill anyone who exhibits flu-like symptoms), but this more or less covers everything. I personally feel it's quite comprehensive. It's really sad that I get bitten by mosquitoes all the times, but I guess that's one of the shortcomings of being a very attractive person.

And now let me leave you with a song befitting of my attractive personality.

Okay thanks for reading my blog post. Goodbye!

❤ Jac.

Hey guys!

So you might have heard that I was in the UK earlier this year because the sister got married.

Yup. That is my sister and me. I decided that I would put a picture of my sister and me instead of a picture of say, my sister and her husband because they have the rest of their lives to spend every waking hour taking selfies of themselves, while you know, I don't.

Yeah so anyway I was in the UK and I have decided that the UK is quite a wonderful place to travel to. And here's a list of reasons why!

#1 English.

English is great! English is amazing! I love English! English and all of its words enable me to go about my daily life. Which consists of playing vintage video games and reading intellectual publications like The Straits Times, obviously.

And not having English around can sometimes be distressing to me because I can't find my way around with the same ease I'm used to. Luckily, I have good deductive skills and I usually can more or less figure out what various signs are saying.

"Lampost - Paris Tour with Eiffel Tower in it".

"Pregnant and disciplined molester",

"Please do not feed the seagulls".

But translation is troublesome and requires too many of my brain cells which could be better directed at eliminating poverty.

So, the United Kingdom! It's great! English signs all over and stuff. I love it.

#2 Jacqueline Close.

There is a road. Named after me. In London.

Just goes to show that these Brits really know how to honour royalty.

#3 Museums.

So it was International Museum Day last Monday (18 May) and CNN did a feature called "Top 20 Museums Around The World". More than a quarter of these museums are located in London, namely,
The British Museum, the National Gallery, the Natural History Museum, the Tate Modern, the Science Museum, and the Victoria and Albert Museum.

Judging all these people clamouring to press themselves against the glass encasing the Rosetta Stone in the British Museum.

Unedited panoramic shot of the National History Museum taken with the HTC One M8.

Me engaging in some serious astronaut work in the Science Museum last month.

Yes I like to go to museums. I'm cool and exciting like that. Same goes for my sense of style. See this photo of me in London 3 years ago? Same dress.

Yeah. I'm super fashionable, I know. Also yes, that's my ex-boyfriend. We all make mistakes.

#4 Power Points.

I hate carrying travel adaptors around. The luggage space that is used to store my travel adaptors could be better used on storing, well I don't know, candy. Or socks. I do love socks. Look at some socks that Smith got me off Tao Bao!

Anyway, yes. I hate travel adaptors, and it just so happens that I don't need to carry adaptors to the UK because WE USE THE SAME PLUGS. Hallelujah!

(UK vs Singapore. Also can I highlight that my hair was purple for a grand total of 1.5 weeks. Can someone please tell me why my hair faded to ~~grey~~ ash so quickly even though I had it done at NEXT and also invested in shampoo for coloured hair?)

And here I would like to say a few words of appreciation to Sir Stamford Raffles. Thank you for colonising Singapore. If not for you, Singapore might be on some weird voltage which I do not approve of. And my primary school might not have such a cool name.

(I have no idea where all my primary school photos are, so thank you whoever scanned this and plonked it into a group that someone added me to).

#5 Transport.

It isn't very often that you can go to a country and go, "HEY! THE BUSES ARE RUN BY A COMPANY BACK HOME!"

Yup. I'm quite aware of just how cool I'm making myself sound.

#6 Strikes.

Speaking of transport, there was one day when Iceland and I were wandering around London when we ran into a humongous traffic jam.

(Look! Comfort DelGro bus!)

Me, "Why are these people taking photos of the traffic jam?"
Iceland, "OH! It's a strike!!"
Me, "HOW EXCITING. Good thing you're here. I would have never figured it out."

I'm not saying that I'm supportive of strikes because I am against the suspension of essential services. However, I do not live in the UK so their suspension just makes for a good opportunity for me to take a photo in the middle of Oxford Street amidst the busy traffic.

And also now I know what a strike looks like. #Educational.

#7 Shops.

Hi, my name is Jacqueline, and I love shopping.

From left to right: Zel hiding behind my mountain of online shopping, me and my picnic mat of shopping. I know it looks like a lot, but sadly, it's really not.

Anyway, most of my shopping is done online because one, I hate people and the internet has never tried to chat me up in the middle of my listening to Flo Rida. And two, there are more choices available for me online. And three, I am extremely good at online shopping. I get a kick out of succeeding in finding OOS items and getting cheap deals.

Anyway, online shopping is not necessary when I go to London. Because I can buy the things I want at good prices in store. Also everyone in London towers over me so no one approaches me to check if I'm attached, telling me that I am not going to marry my then boyfriend, and then asking me if I had a preference on where we could have coffee.

But I digress. London is good for two of my favourite shops. One is the Nespresso shop where I go to replenish my Nespresso capsule supplies.

And the other is Forbidden Planet where I bought books, comic books, Star Wars ice trays and some Stormtrooper sweets.

Yes. We already established that I'm super cool. Deal with it.

#8 Old Places.

So there are lots of old places in the UK. Like Stonehenge. Which Wikipedia says could have been built anywhere from 3000 BC to 2000 BC.

Or the British Museum which was established in 1753. Also, panoramic shot taken with the HTC Desire EYE.

Everything is old. Even the Tube stations are old. See this Nottinghill Gate Tube Station? Opened in 1868. How old is the oldest MRT station in Singapore? 119 years newer.

Anyway my point is, that there are many old and cool things around the UK which are easily accessible to the public. And this is why my sister was able to get married in a "romantic 16th-century castle with spectacular views" aka Lindisfarne Castle.

Yes. Of course, it also helps that we are of royal descent.

#9 British Accents.

So you remember my pretty Ang Moh friend James?

I understand your confusion. But he's not the frog in the cage. He's the guy on the right. Anyway, there was one time when he was quoting Jeremy Clarkson and I was like,

"OMG. YOU HAVE THE SAME ACCENT AS JEREMY CLARKSON."

And I was very amused. So when I went to the UK this time around, I had fun pretending that I was in an episode of Sherlock.

Yes. We've been through this. I'm super cool.

#10 Weather.

The weather is great. It's either cold and gloomy or nice and sunny. Either way, you can use the weather as an excuse for not going out, or enjoy it by sitting on the grass and drinking alcohol.

Okay and now I have come to the end of my list of things which make the United Kingdom great. I'm sure there are more but you know, I have better things to do now. Like decide on whether to take a nap now or not.

Meanwhile, please enjoy this song by English talents Labrinth and Tinie Tempah.

Also a photo of me engaging in manual labour.

Goodbye!
❤ Jac.

Hello guys!

So a few of my friends got engaged/married recently and they are all very excited to begin their new lives together, build a home, start a family, and all that sort of nonsense which happens after you sign for a HDB. Or get yourself pregnant. Or you know, actually get proposed to.

I know right? I should be so lucky.

But no. Because I'm ~~slightly psychotic, neurotic, lunatic, and basically batcrap crazy~~ picky and have extremely high standards when it comes to guys, I'm single. So when I go to weddings I just spend lots of time reflecting on my life choices. This usually ends up in me cleaning out the alcohol supply or overcompensating by rounding up all the suited-up guys and forcing them to take many photos with me. Like so.

Yes. I have no shame. I did ask the bride for permission though. HAHA.

Anyway, as I already had long established why I'm single (guys are not good enough, guys are stupid, who needs guys when I have alcohol, I am a crazy bitch, etc), I have now moved on to new topics for pondering on during weddings. Like determining suitable careers for me. By using the elimination method. Like how I make all important decisions in life. Like what training courses to attend, what countries to travel to next , or what to eat for lunch. Oh Jac...it's like younever graduated from school.

#1 Doctor.

Well, according to this photo, becoming a doctor was ranked highly on the list of occupations that Jac aspired to be when she grew up.

Then Jac grew up and decided that she was too apathetic to care about patients' piddly-ass problems on a daily basis.

She also started watching shows like House, where she learnt that everyone in a hospital is useless except for that one eccentric crippled genius. And also that doctors spend almost every waking hour speaking to idiots.

(Via Meme Generator).

So, yeah. I decided that there was no point in me becoming a doctor. Nope.

In other news, check out what Cameron drew me on Draw Something many years back! He's awesome.

#2 Fashion Designer.

Another of my life's callings. You see these Victoria's Secret models prancing around in their plainly-coloured underwear and boldly-coloured umbrellas?

That's me in 1994 bitches.

And that's why I can't venture into fashion - I'm waaaay too ahead of the curve.

#3 Food Critic.

Yeah so there are a few problems with me being a food critic. The first being that, I don't really care about what I eat, as long as it doesn't taste extremely horrible.

There was once when I ran out of things to say in a food review. Not because the food was bad, but because the food was, good? I guess? But I sort of ran out of adjectives because I didn't feel very passionately about the food. So this is what I did.

We started out with the Sashimi Platter which featured 5 types of fish - salmon, yellowtail, tuna, red snapper and swordfish. Looks delicious hor?
FYI, this is actually how the fishes look like before they are put on the plate.
(Via Wikipedia [1] [2], Oregon Live, Sport Fishing, and Parker Design).

Not so delicious. So good job to the Japanese for coming up with sashimi and kudos to the chefs at En Dining for putting the sashimi platter together so well!

My creativity knows no bounds.

#4 Bartender.

While I clearly like being around alcohol, I sadly cannot work around it. Firstly, because I would be bad for business. I'd single-handedly clean out the stores.

Also, people might ask me to I don't know. Make them cocktails. Or give them some recommendations on what to drink. And seriously, I really don't care. Just as long as my mixer is Coke Light, I'm good.

Also don't be a Smart Alec. I won't use Coke Light as a mixer if I'm drinking say, Baileys'. Duh.

#5 Teacher.

I, like many university undergraduates, used to give tuition to kids. My tuition kids were called "Chok Chok" and "Yaw Yaw". They were awesome and rather easy to teach (at times). However, because I don't always have very good judgement, stuff like this would happen.

So the story was that I had given Chok Chok some stickers to reward him for...I can't remember what. Possibly sitting still for 5 minutes. And he went, "Paste where?" And I went, "On your face." Yes.

Chok Chok, "My eraser is good."

Me, "Is it?"

Chok Chok, "Ya got nice smell. I smell for you to see."

I also did not know how to make him sit still. So I figured that if I gave him 5 minutes to expend all his energy before the lesson, I might be able to make him sit still and do his work for however long we had left.

When that didn't work, I played games like "see how long you can balance the dinosaur on your head".

Somehow I think my teaching methods wouldn't be condoned by MOE. Oh well.

#6 Lawyer.

Well, while I obviously have the brains and argumentative nature required of being a lawyer.

But I can't bring myself to become a lawyer. Why? Simply because I have watched both instalments of Legally Blonde and I have concluded that I do not have, nor do I want, enough pink clothes in my wardrobe to sustain an entire legal career.

(Via Entertainment Daily).

Also constantly arguing with people can be rather tiring. I much prefer to bitch behind their backs.

#7 Assassin.

While I certainly harbour violent tendencies and have a chasm filled with an air of indifference in the space where most people find their heart, I'm afraid that I do not have the stealth nor the nimbleness required of an assassin.

(Via RTV Games).

In other words, I'm quite ~~clumsy~~ ~~ungraceful~~ accident-prone.

Also I like to talk to inanimate objects and dance when I think no one is watching.

Yeah. Not very discrete of me, I know. I'm usually wrong by the way. 70% of the time I look up to find someone staring quizzically at me. Well, it's really too bad then. Because I bet I'd look like Black Widow if I bothered to dress myself in black leather assassin-like stuff.

(Via iDigitalTimes).

#8 News Analyst.

Well, news analysis seems to be the only job out of the range of occupations that I dabbled in in my youth that sort of stuck with me all the way into *ugh* adulthood.

But let's face it. Analysing news? That must be the driest, most boring job in the world. I wouldn't even do it for a million bucks! To clarify, I was only reading the newspapers because I was taking a break from my Batgirl activities. Saving the world can be such a hassle at times.

(Via Medium).

Yes. So clearly, there are many jobs which aren't really suitable for a unique individual of my skill set and calibre. I obviously need a job which showcases my talent, makes use of my intellect, and allows me to be admired by my adoring fans. And so anyway, I have concluded that I am most suited to be...

SUPREME OVERLORD OF THE WORLD.

I don't know if there is such a title available, but I guess my ardent supporters won't mind, and those who disagree would just have to suck it up because of my undisputed power.

It's the perfect fit! I would be able to pursue my interests, and everyone would live a wonderful life because they'd be able to bask in my glory every single day. And I'd let them.

(Via Buzzfeed).

Yes. Vote Jac for Supreme Overlord of the World. Meanwhile, a great song by Nelly.

Have a good weekend guys!

❤ Jac.

Hello guys!

I guess you know that I'm one of the most rational and level-headed people around. So when I say something is ridiculous, you must believe me. So here you can assume that Titus was being an idiot and deserved getting whacked by a big stick.

Because of my consistently sound judgement, of course.

But let's talk about other things for a moment. You see, the other day, I was busy solving a few of the many issues affecting the world today including but not limited to the Rohingya refugees, the Syrian Civil War, and what I should eat for dinner today, when my good friend interrupted me...

And you know what I hate most in the world aside from dealing with stupid people, and running out of Coke Light? Douchey people. Take a look.

ISN'T THIS HORRIFYING?! Yeah and I know you must be in kind of a state of shock and you're not sure of what exactly is wrong with this video. But it's okay. Jac and her elevated levels of mental prowess has already distilled the essence of what makes this video so fantastically wrong. Let me break it down for you.

#1. The posture.

So let's just pretend for a moment that I'm a psychopath who is on the verge of embarking on a violent rampage. Yes, I know it's very difficult for you to imagine that my demure and gentle self could even come close to being a maniac. But that's what the Singapore education system is here for right? To instill creativity and encourage you to think out of the box.

(Via TR Emeritus FB).

Yes. So I'm a theoretical budding psychopath with secretly violent tendencies. Would I go around waving a dagger over my head? NO! Because that would draw attention to me, which would be most unwise. I'd get thrown into jail before I even get the opportunity to hurt anyone. So what would I do? I would hide my hands (and my weapon) in my pockets like the guy in the background here.

(Person of Interest - Season 2 Episode 9, C.O.D.)

Which is what one British politician Nick Clegg did. Good looking fellow, very smart guy whose fluent in five languages.

(Via GOV,UK).

But now he's no longer in office. He came in last in The Guardians' assessment of the body language used by British political leaders. I'm no expert in British politics but I assume that one of the reasons he came in last in the assessment and eventually lost his spot in office is because he talked with his hands in his pockets.

And everyone knows what a bad idea talking with your hands in your pockets is. But don't take it from me, take it from Forbes article "Great Leaders Talk With Their Hands".

Anyway, back to this guy.

The guy looks sketchy right? Of course he does. You know why? Because he insisted on spending the whole entire video with his hand stuck in his pocket whilst standing in some awkward slouchy stance.

Don't believe me? Rewatch the video. The hand never leaves the pocket. And you really don't want to take dating advice from a guy whose actions mimic dating disaster Raj Koothrappali from the Big Bang Theory.

(The Big Bang Theory - Season 7 Episode 1, The Hofstadter Insufficiency).

#2. The way he speaks.

Okay. I understand that not everyone has the commanding voice of James Earl Jones, or the crisp radio-quality voice of Ryan Seacrest. Why, I made an entire instructional video using nothing but written subtitles because I know that my voice is waaay too sharp and shrill for camera.

Yeah. Sorry to disappoint. I'm not perfect. That's really why people keep buying me shirts along this theme whenever they go to Thailand.

(Thanks goes to Darren, Michelle, and James!)

But I digress. Back to the point. If you know you can't speak well, please get some one to speak on your behalf. According to dating guru Barney Stinson, you should always get a guy to do things for you.

Yes so, if your words come out like your mouth is full of marbles, then I suggest that you consider not speaking for yourself. You can stage a "natural" conversation with someone, get a narrator, get your voice dubbed, etc. Don't try to speak like someone you're not. It really shows. And it's really not the way to go when you're trying to sell something. Especially since it's a dating consultancy where you know, you're supposed to sell yourself with your words, and how he presented his words just put me off. Because presentation really matters you know?

(Via Daily News Dig).

As my wonderful friend JX put it...

"If this guy is supposed to teach me how to speak confidently, I'd rather not..."

#3. The woman.

So you notice that for the entirety of the video, there is this woman who is standing next to our dating expert. She's not doing anything. Not moving, not speaking. Why, even her facial expression doesn't change.

A few possible conclusions can be drawn from this.

Woman is a mannequin and that's why she can't move. But that would also imply that the dating expert is just trying too hard to give himself some street cred.
Woman is extremely honoured to be part of this video and is petrified with excitement.
Dating expert is under the impression that women should be seen and not heard and so using this woman as an inanimate prop is totally fine in his books.

In any case, if you guys think that the kind of girl you want to spend your life with should be nothing more than a pretty face, by all means, sign up for his course. I won't judge you of course. To each his own. I just think that it's so strange that a company called "ModernMan Academy" subscribes to such an archaic principle. Which by the way, was condemned even by the Spartans back in 490 BC.

Leonidas: You insult my queen.You threaten my people with slavery and death! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same.
Persian messenger: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
Leonidas: Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!

Yes. But maybe I'm just bitter because a pretty face and a silent demeanour are two things that I clearly lack.

IN CONCLUSION, I think that this dude from ModernMan has neither the charisma required of a dating coach, nor does he have the body of a hot guy which will naturally make girls fawn all over him. So really, guys, if you're looking for dating advice, I suggest you start looking somewhere like COSMOPOLITAN. Just take a look at some of the cover stories!

"Where are all the single men? We found them!", "One thing you must never do with a guy", and "Go from worst date to happily ever after!"Seriously guys, these three issues will tell you where girls will go and look for you, what you should never ever do with them, and corrective action you should take to save your date! Why spend approximately $1000 or more to get some guy to teach you how to act when you can spend $5 to buy a copy of Cosmopolitan. Why, if you're lucky you might even get some beauty samples to go along with it.

Also I had a further point that I was monitoring the number of "Likes" on the video for the longest time (I procrastinate ok?) and noticed that there were 27 dislikes and 0 likes.

Which was reasonable. But the number of likes inexplicably shot up to 70 overnight I think, 2 days ago maybe? How strange.

(Via Imgur).

Yeah but who knows. I may be wrong. Apparantly there are people out there who owe the academy their lives.

"Without this course and Gate's coaching, I would still be miserable and alone every weekend, with my old social circle of friends that got me nowhere. If you are thinking about doing something in your life, this is it. Gate, my bro… I owe you for life."

Man, I would hate to be your "old social circle of friends". Just curious. Did you get them anywhere? Or did you just decide to bitch about them on some website?

(Via Imgur).

Okay anyway! I would now like to leave you with this very good song which I guess is what you'd be if you believe in this ModernMan video.

Have a good rest of the week guys!

❤ Jac.

Hello guys!

So I'm going to assume that because you are readers of my blog, that you either had a pretty decent childhood, or the more likely scenario, that you are unable to accept that you're an adult and are still living your childhood right now.

(Please note that I do not actually like Hello Kitty, but this Cheng Wei thought it would be funny for me to carry a giant Hello Kitty all around Singapore on my birthday. "I PURPOSELY TOLD THE AUNTIE I WANTED THE GIANT XXL BALLOON OK.")

Yes. Anyway, a very large portion of my childhood was dedicated to being obsessed with Disney cartoons, And here's a list of things on what I like about Disney.

#1 The Lion King.

Sorry to all you people who think Frozen is the best Disney movie ever made. You guys are mad. The Lion King is far superior to any other Disney movie out there.

Why? Because firstly, it is filled with animals. Animals are cute.

(Via Elite Daily).

Also, it contains many African words. So it's extremely educational.

And it's based in Africa. Come on, don't tell me you've never wanted to go on an African safari.

And also there's this iconic scene which can give you goosebumps.

(Via Disney Blogs).

Also Mufasa is damn kick ass. He is fierce, and regal and also voiced by Darth Vader.

(Via Disney Wiki).

AND I CRIED WHEN MUFASA DIED. Sigh. I was very sad. Also I was eight. Don't judge.

(Via Buzzfeed).

It's an awesome movie ok. And if you disagree please don't let me know. The eight year old in me might throw a fit.

(Via Disney Blogs).

#2 The Songs.

Also, Disney songs are fantastic. They are very catchy and happy and easy to sing. It doesn't even matter if the words don't really make sense at all, because they sound good and are literally very magical. Like bibbidi bobbidi boo.

(Via Animated Meta).

I also find that Disney songs are very relatable - extremely applicable to my daily life. For example, "Under The Sea" explains why I'm constantly surrounded by idiots (Hi, I just quoted Lion King).

(Via Rebloggy).

Also explains why I'm single.

(Via Pinterest).

Men want girls with good taste. Calm, obedient, who work fast-paced. With good breeding and a tiny waist - you'll bring honour to us all.

Yeah. Calm and obedient. That's me. Excuse me for a second. My aircon is making a funny noise and I would like to shout some vulgarities at it, and possibly hit it with a stick.

#3 The Princesses.

Okay I'm sure there are a lot of you feminists out there who think that it's wrong for little girls to want to be princesses and stuff. BUT I LOVE DISNEY PRINCESSES. I wanted to be Ariel. And also Belle. And also Jasmine. But my favourite was Mulan. I thought she was damn kick ass.

(Via Cosmopolitan).

Yeah and also awkward like me. But okay I was very inspired to be like Mulan you know! You see I even took up TKD in my teens because I wanted to fight like her.

Why? Were you very cool as a teenager?

But about the princess thing - I think that this is the closest I'll ever get.

Still, you know what they say - Fake it till you make it. So meanwhile I'm going to continue ordering people around and insisting that they address me as "Your Royal Highness".

#4 The Villains.

Well the problem with non-Disney shows is that the villains actually make me seriously scared. Like there are times when I can't watch my television shows because my friend isn't online.

But Disney villains are different. They are evil enough to move the storyline forward, but not scary enough for me to constantly pause the show, run around my room to distract myself, watch small portions of the show on a minimised screen, and essentially waste three hours trying to get through a 45 minute segment.

(Via WiffleGif).

Yeah. The term you are looking for is "pansy", which is what James calls me. Ang Moh James, not Chinese James. Chinese James wouldn't dare to call me anything short of brilliant.

But back to my original point - Disney should be the benchmark for how scary villains should be allowed to be. End of story.

(Via Buzzfeed).

#5 The Acquisitions.

Do you know which companies Disney has acquired? LucasFilm and Marvel. Do you know what that means? It means that all Disney has to do is to acquire Coke Light, Forever 21, and Batman, and it will own everything that makes my world go round.

And this also gave rise to the creation of these wonderful Star Wars comics which Marvel started publishing earlier this year.

I know some of you think that this series is too PG13 as compared to the original Dark Horse comics, but! All the Marvel/Star Wars comics on pre-order were sold out! So, I guess it's not doing too badly.

#6 The Easter Eggs.

I love Easter Eggs! You do not know how much time I've spent on Google Maps trying to search for Pokemon, and also how many times I've tried to make my screen do a barrel roll.

(Via Technostreak).

So I always get very excited when I find cool Easter Eggs in Disney shows. Here are some of my favourite ones!

Lady and the Tramp wandering around the streets of London in 101 Dalmatians.

(Via Disney Blogs).

The Mulan poster on the wall in Lilo & Stitch.

(Via Disney Blogs).

The King and Grand Duke from Cinderella at Prince Eric's and disguised Ursula's wedding in The Little Mermaid.

(Via Disney Blogs).

But my favourite Easter Egg is in The Empire Strikes Back, check out the hidden Mickey on the right side of the screen!

(Via Dorkly).

And now a closer look.

(Via Dorkly).

And you know, before all you sceptics slam me by telling me that this Star Wars movie came out ages before the Disney acquisition, the please refer to this entry on the official Star Wars blog. A link to the entry "It Was Clearly the Will of the Force" has been appended for information please.

(Via Buzzfeed).

I know, It's awesome.

#7 The Happily Ever Afters.

Okay so I'm sure not many of you know a lot about my life, but let me assure you, that it's highly stressful, taxing, and labour intensive. For example, while you guys buy your carrots from the supermarket, I have to harvest them by myself.

So because this is clearly not my ideal way of life, it's really nice to sit back and watch some shows which have guaranteed happy endings. I don't want a show like Romeo and Juliet, where I see two lovers fighting to be together and end up killing themselves, nor do I want a show like Interstellar where I have to use so much of my energy just to grasp the concept of the show. No. I want to see the bad guy defeated and also a happy ending.

(Via Tumblr).

(Via SparkLife).

And Disney has been very successful in providing me with such stability when it comes to storylines. I love you Disney.

Okay so anyway, speaking of Disney, I have a pair of tickets to Disney on Classic ~ A Magical Night ASIA TOUR 2015.

This full length concert will feature the timeless music and scenes from Snow White, Cinderella, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, The Little Mermaid, Tangled and Frozen,

And all your favourite scenes will be projected overhead on a large cinematic screen, with specially designed lighting and staging effects for that extra sprinkling of magic. Watch the trailer here!

If you're interested getting a guaranteed set of tickets, here are the show details:

16 July (Thur) and 17 July (Fri) 7.30pm
The Star Theatre, The Star Performing Arts Centre Tickets from $35 at SISTIC.

However if you want to try your luck and win them off my blog, then sorry, you have no choice but to accept the tickets which go for $120 each for the Friday slot on 17 July. Anyway to win the tickets, let me know why you love Disney by commenting on this blog post! Include your name, NRIC, email address and contact number ok. I won't be publishing any of the comments don't worry.

Okay. Now I will leave you with this good song.

And now, time to sleep.

(Via Buzzfeed).

Bye guys!
❤ Jac.

Hello guys!

So I was in quite a bad mood in the earlier part of the week because...I can't exactly remember why. Maybe I banged my leg against a table. Maybe one of my nails broke. Or maybe (and also possibly the most likely) I ran out of Coke Light and I wasn't ready to venture out of my office and into the pouring rain just to get myself a bottle.

Anyway, I noticed that I become more easily annoyed by the stupid things that people say when I'm snappy and irritable. Seriously, it came to a point where I had a mental debate on whether people actually think before they talk.

(Via Buzzfeed).

My debate ended with the conclusion that not everyone has the luxury of thinking before they speak because thinking requires one to have brains.

(Via Celeb Quote).

Yeah so back to the point. Irritable Jac took more careful notice of the stupid things that people said to her. So here you go...

Or things that stupid people say. Either way.

#1 Don't you know that Coke Light is unhealthy?

No. I had no idea that Coke Light is unhealthy. I always thought that it was beneficial to my health and that drinking more would make me the fittest person alive.

While you're at it, you might consider telling your chain smoker friends that smoking causes lung cancer, your alcoholic friends that alcohol damages their livers, and Kimi Raikkonen and Lewis Hamilton that speeding along the circuit might just get them killed.

(Via ABC News).

Yes. I'm sure that you're the only one who's well informed about such matters.

#2 Cannot see, not nice.

So the other day, someone was asking me about my tattoos. Like very generic questions relating to where I got them done, etc.

Then do you know what this idiot said to me?

"If I had a tattoo, I would put it where it can be seen. Cannot see, not nice."

A few points -

ONE. Hello. I have a job. I would like to keep it. And not everyone has the talent to work at a tattoo parlour or wander around being a jobless hipster entrepreneur. Also I quite love my money.

(Via Gizmodo).

TWO. Also this is my tattoo. And you are not my mother. So you don't get a say in anything.

(Via Buzzfeed).

THREE. You don't have a tattoo. So don't tell me what you would do if you hypothetically got a tattoo.

(Via Pride).

FOUR. Also whether a tattoo looks nice or not really depends on the design. Not whether it is hidden or not. #justsaying.

(Via someecards).

(Also in case you're wondering, I got my everything done at Body Decor).

#3 What are you doing here?

So this has happened to me quite a few times. I would be buying movie tickets, or wandering around Forever 21, when someone would come up to me and go,

"Eh Jac! What are you doing here?!!!"

Imbeciles.

#4 Why must you go to work so early?

I HAVE TO WORK LA THEN. What did you think my answer would be?

"Oh because the first person to the office gets a month's supply of coffee and donuts."

(Via Buzzfeed).

"No, I don't have to. I just drag myself out of bed at 6:30 in the morning because I am a sadistic freak who doesn't like spending time with her best friend aka her bed."

(Via Rebloggy).

SOME PEOPLE. Seriously man.

#5 How come I never get invited for events?

Well, clearly, you're not as popular as you think you are.

(Via Imgur).

Or I don't like you as much as you think I do (which is possibly why I've never asked you along).

(Via CelebQuotes).

But the most likely explanation for your lack of event invites is that you don't have a blog. Therefore, you obviously don't get invited to blogger events. DUH.

(Via DBA).

However, if you want to win some free tickets to the upcoming Disney concert, please see my previous blog post - there's a giveaway at the bottom.

Okay I'm very sleepy now. I had this like, grand plan to type out a ten-item list, but I have confrontational issues and I tend to repress unpleasant memories. So I can't remember what other stupid things people have said to me over the course of my week.

(Via Pride).

Also I have been very hardworking - I have churned out an article for Yahoo and also caught up with Game of Thrones (I finished season 5 in 3 days), and also this James tricked me into watching a horror film which was extremely stressful.

(Via Buzzfeed).

Ok, rambling. Here's a song.

Goodnight.
❤ Jac.

Hello guys!

So you might or might not be aware that yesterday was the launch of the 21st Electronic Entertainment Expo, also known as E3 2015!

(Via Vgamerz).

For those of you who aren't familiar with the gaming scene, E3 is the biggest event in the video gaming world. Kind of like what the World Cup is to soccer. Only that it happens on an annual basis, and most of the men with abs, guns, and buns of steel are virtual and not human.

"Why hello tall, dark, broody and totally fictional."

(From Batman: Arkham Knight. Via VIDEOGAMER.COM).

Yeah so the video game fanatics of the world typically congregate for this event. Mainly online though. Because you know, the stereotypical video game fanatic doesn't venture far beyond the couch very much.

(Via Metro).

And NOW, I can also participate in such video game conversations. As you know, Sony has recently bequeathed me with a wonderful gift which is known to many as the Sony PlayStation 4.

And that makes me an expert on all things PlayStation and gaming. And so I'm going to let everyone know...

#1 Tones your muscles.

So I know that going to the gym is apparently a thing. People like to eat clean, train mean and all sorts of nonsense to get toned arms and stuff.

(Via Buzzfeed).

Yeah. I don't have the time or patience for that. So I got my yearly work out by carrying my PS4 home. IN HEELS.

And then I also took the initiative to complete my exercise for next year. I carried my PS4 for an extended period of time to take some selfies. Check out my arm muscles man.

Achievable with the PS4 girls.

Of course, your results may vary according to how long you take to take a successful selfie with your PS4. I took maybe 2 hours. If you are a very accomplished selfie taker, then you may not yield such results. However, the longer you own a PS4, the more developed your arm muscles become. Smith has owned a PS4 for 10 months. CHECK OUT HIS GUNS.

And I'm sorry to disappoint girls, but this guy's taken.

#2 Widen your scope for shopping.

So in the B.P. (before PlayStation) era, my shopping on ThinkGeek was extremely limited. Look! Because I didn't play Video Games, I could not legitimately buy anything from this entire section of the website!

And when ThinkGeek introduced a new PlayStation Gear Store, guess who was unable to enjoy discounts because she did not have a PS4 to warrant her potential buys?!

But now all is good. I own a PlaySation 4. It's like unlocking a whole different shopping dimension. Take a look at some of the stuff I can now justify buying for myself as a video gamer.

Classic Game Controller Silicone Mold - USD$9.99

Via Think Geek.

Playstation Button Stud Earrings - USD$14.99

Via Etsy.

Playstation Controller Hair Clips - USD$8

Via Etsy.

Body By PlayStaion T-Shirt - £ 11.99

Via Supergoodtees.

And they are all very good items to buy. But of course, this is the item that I want the most of all.

Playstation controller bra - USD$50

Via Etsy.

#3 New ideas for manicures.

So I know I'm not the most appropriate person to give advice on manicures, seeing that the last time I had one was....in August last year!

It was such a momentous occasion that I even dedicated a blog post to it. Anyway, the patterns on my nails are an indication of the person I am at that time, unfocused and uncertain - just a lot of thoughts swirling around a colourful haze of confusion.

(Via Buzzfeed).

But now, my life has direction and purpose. And it may or may not be due to my acquisition of a PlayStation 4. And my nails should pay tribute to that.

(Via Jet Black Kitty).

Actually scratch that, I rather have these nails instead.

(Via Two Foot Jerk).

They seem more useful judging by how I take about 5 seconds to tell left from right.

#4 Guys will think you're cool.

It's true. Do you think I managed to get all these guys to congregate around me based on my stunning looks and fantastic personality?

(Sorry James, I couldn't help it).

Of course not! If I was left to my own resources I'd die alone and friendless.

(Via Buzzfeed).

But now with the PS4, I'm like the baddest bitch.

#5 Coerce people into meeting at your house.

You know why I'm always late in meeting people? Because I have to travel to wherever my friend is. Travelling takes time which I rarely have. So I become late.

(Via Buzzfeed).

It's especially bad with this group of people who are always extremely early. Hello dinner is at 7. Why must you guys be 2 hours early when I'm planning to be 30 minutes late?!!

Anyway, this is the group of people who introduced me to the PlayStation....what was it? PlayStation 2? It was a while back. But good to know that these people have not evolved since and they are still playing the same game that they played 10 years ago - FIFA. Just different versions of it. Also judging by what I hear they have not improved even after 10 years of playing.

(Via Buzzfeed).

But I digress. Anyway, these guys are always early and I am always late because I have to travel all the way to their preferred congregation point in the east. Because of the PS4. BUT NOW, I too have a PS4. Which means it isn't compulsory for me to travel all the way to the east just to hang out with the guys and drink with Sam. We can hang out in my house. And I won't be late.

(Via Buzzfeed).

#6 Excuse not to meet your friends.

So I don't know about you, but I have a few guy friends who use gaming as an excuse to get out of meeting people at the last minute. You know...

Or that they have to finish a level, complete a mission, or wait for someone to come online to spawn them some items. Regardless, now you can do it back to these guys!

#7 Because I have one.

And if you have a PlayStation, we can game together via the PlayStation Network (PSN)! If you are afraid of playing against me, please do not fear. While I am okay with games such as Sportsfriends and Street Fighter, I suck at games such as Grand Theft Auto V which James got me to play. He told me that I can't go wrong because I can go around knocking things over and killing people and it would be totally fine.

(Via Break).

So um, I got stuck because I banged into a wall and couldn't reverse.

(Via Buzzfeed).

Yeah I just signed up for my Basic Theory. I'm going to be an awesome driver. (Also I need a theory book. Does anyone have one to spare?)

Okay anyway! Back to talking about some PlayStation related announcements from this year's E3!

(Via Hero Complex).

ONE: Star Wars Battlefront.

(Via Star Wars Battlefront).

EA will be releasing Star Wars Battlefront for PlayStation on 17 November, 2015, exactly one month before Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens opens in cinemas!

TWO: Final Fantasy VII.

(Via Yahoo).

Final Fantasy VII is getting a remake after 18 years and 3 PlayStations!

THREE: Call Of Duty: Black Ops III.

(Via Game Rant).

Call of Duty: Black Ops III will be launching on PS4, Xbox One, and PC on November 6th, 2015. But what's exciting for PS4 fans is that the add-on content for Black Ops 3 will be coming to PS4 first, bringing the Microsoft console alliance to an end.

FOUR: Uncharted 4: A Thief's End.

(Via The Game Fanatics).

The release of Uncharted 4 has been pushed from the end of this year, to spring 2016. But that's okay. Given the wonderful job that Naughty Dog has done with the graphics, I guess all of us can afford to wait a little while longer.

Yeah so even though Xbox One fans might be pleased with the new games that they are getting like Forza Motorsport 6 (not so good GTA 5), Rise of The Tomb Raider (less cinematic Uncharted), and Halo 5: Guardians (less realistic COD), us PlayStation folk know that we got the better end of the deal.

(Via Buzzfeed).

And now I'd like to leave you with this Lady Gaga video. Because you know, game.

Cheers guys!
❤ Jac.

Hi guys!

So I was browsing Twitter last Monday when I saw this tweet by Yahoo! Singapore.

And I was understandably very excited. I was all ready to geek out over some hipster lifehacks on how I could potentially improve my quality of life on Monday. Like tips on how to drag yourself out of bed, how to take notes while you're half asleep, or how not to kill yourself during lunch break.

(Via Img Fave).

However, instead of a list full of relevant information on how I could potentially improve my life on a Monday, this is what I got instead:

Netanyahu Arrives In Us Ahead Of Speech To Congress
Tens Of Thousands March To Mourn Slain Putin Foe
Why Unmasking May Diminish 'Jihadi John'
Still No Signs Of Homeland Security Deal
Where Some Want To Raise Adult Criminal Age To 18
Spacewalking Astronauts Complete Cable Job
High Court Ruling Could Alter Electoral Map Drawing
What Yearlong Search For Flight 370 Yields
New Storm May Push Boston Over Snowfall Record
Minnie Minoso, Beloved 'Cuban Comet,' Passes

Seriously, why Yahoo! Singapore feels that it's imperative for me to know that there has been no progress on the signing of a homeland security deal in a country which is actually not my homeland is beyond me.

So I have decided to come up with my own list things that you need to know for Monday. Because apparently, both AP and Yahoo! Singapore have bad judgement when it comes determining what is important for people to know on Mondays. So presenting...

#1. That is not enough coffee.

So you wake up, make yourself some coffee, get ready, leave the house, and head straight for the office all ready to face whatever challenges and tasks come your way. But somehow, nothing seems to go right and your brain seems full of mush. Well, so here's the thing. The amount of coffee you consumed earlier this morning? Quadruple it.

(Via Img Arcade).

I know you think you normally can function on one morning coffee. But you need to take your weekend hangovers into consideration. So down your coffee like how you'd down a tray of shots and you'd lose the urge of stabbing stabbing yourself in the eye in order to keep awake.

#2. Do not share your elevator.

While journeying to the office, it's important to avoid sharing elevators with anyone. It doesn't matter whether it's the elevator serving your HDB block, the MRT station, or your office building. Why? Because people you meet in the elevators might feel inclined to make small talk to you. Which is the most ridiculous thing to engage in on Monday mornings when your brain hasn't fully acquired access to its intellectual capabilities yet.

(Via Clutch Fans).

Anyway, this rule applies even if your crush is in the elevator. You don't want your crush to remember you as the mute girl with the blank stare and open jaw now do you? Elevators - enter them alone. Otherwise, just take an MC. Because what is worse than taking the elevator with someone is rolling down 40 flights of stairs. Which brings me to my next point...

#3. Do not take the stairs.

This is clearly common sense. You should never engage in manual labour. And this is especially so on Mondays. Mondays are kind of like the moonshine of all the days of the week. Tastes horrible and inhibits your ability to walk in a straight line, much less walk down the stairs.

(Via Pix Good).

And yes. I have fallen down the stairs on a Monday. It wasn't pretty.

#4. Slow down.

If you see someone you know walking in front of you, slow down. Increase the distance between you and him. The last thing you want is an awkward conversation about your weekend with someone you barely know.

Him, "So what did you do this weekend?"
You, "Get drunk for St Paddy's Day! Like all the non-losers our there! How about you?"
Him, "Go for my alcoholic anonymous meeting."

(Via Giphy).

#5. Bring earphones.

Earphone, or headphones, play an extremely important part in daily life. They enable you to escape into another world. So to your colleagues at work, you look like a boring person trying her very best to do work.

But what you're really doing is having a kickass party in your head, complete with booze, hot dancing people, and best of all, no sunlight.

And people usually leave you alone when you're plugged in. Or you can also choose to ignore them on the pretence that you're engrossed in your work and can't hear them over your music. Also works with those pesky people who keep approaching you to sell you insurance on the streets.

Anyway, earphones = important. Never leave them behind.

(Via Ready Set Troll).

#6. Use your phone.

Or phones if you rather.

The trick is to look as busy as possible so that no one will feel that they are worthy enough to interrupt your phone time. This will help you avoid any unpleasant encounters on Mondays. Also a good trick to pull out when you don't want to look like a lonely loser.

(Via Buzzfeed).

Of course, what you type is inconsequential. What is consequential is that people leave you alone and that you'd have one less reason to hate Mondays.

#7. Wear black.

(Via Imgur).

And on Mondays you wear black. So that you can hide in the shadows and not be noticed by anyone. Anonymity is important in a world where everyone thinks that you are a very sociable being when actually you are as extroverted as a decomposing fish.

So anyway, Nessie and I wear black on Mondays. To mourn for the loss of our weekend and to be as inconspicuous as possible in prder to minimise human contact. If you're lucky, people will just walk by you! With a black outfit, you're almost invisible.

(Via Buzzfeed).

#8. Prepare small talk questions.

While we can employ all the tactics in the world to try to avoid human interaction on Mondays, some people have the annoying tendency to bypass all your carefully constructed social walls and greet you warmly. Like they are your acquaintance or something.

(Via Buzzfeed).

When this happens, you must be ready to take charge of this conversation. You can't possibly allow the other person to control it. He might start asking questions which require brainwork or lengthy replies. Which you do not want. So what you must do after the initial greeting, is to unleash a torrent of stupid small talk questions onto him. After which he will spend the rest of the time replying and you can just, imagine committing his slow murder in your head.

(Via We Know Memes).

Good questions inlcude "What did you do over the weekend?" and"What projects are you working on now?" You know, questions which produe very long answers. The longer the answer, the less likely you'd be required to think of a suitable response to his yammering.

#9. Prepare small talk replies.

If you're unfortunate enough, you might sometimes end up with a scenario where you actually have to contribute to the conversation. In this situation, you will have to answer to questions. Luckily, most people aren't listening to what you have to say.

(Via Img Fave).

So here's a ready made list of suggestions on how to reply to small talk:

"Not much, you?"
"Huh? What do you mean?"

And this is really all you need to get through the conversation. I think any small talk question can be answered with these two responses. You note how I ended each reply with a question? Because you want to encourage the person to take up all the airtime. As talking on a Monday is not always a good idea you see.

(Via someecards).

#10. Accept reality.

It's really hard to believe, but these Mondays are going to keep coming for the rest of your life. In fact, one-seventh of your life consists of you either consciously or unconsciously dealing with Mondays.

(Via Buzzfeed).

So my advice is, if you screw up one Monday by inadvertantly appearing too cheerful, or attracting unwanted attention by wearing a dress more colourful than the language you want to use on the guy who stole your alcohol, no fear. Monday will sadly roll round again. And you'd be able to deal with it more effectively the next time round.

(Via Buzzfeed).

Hopefully.

And now I have come to the end of my list and I probably should head out for my meeting. Ughh. Monday mornings. Don't you just love them?

Okay. Time to go for my meeting. Also, a trashy gansta song about tattoos.

Happy Monday!
❤ Jac.

Hello guys!

So you might have heard of my ongoing efforts to immerse myself in Chinese culture. No? Well, I have! Since the start of this year I have:

Gone for a Chinese concert.

Me and Smith at Jay Chou's Opus II Concert. (Thanks OCBC!) Also I have just realised that the concert was held on 27 December 2014. But that's practically 2015 so let's let it slide.

Travelled to a Chinese speaking country where I ordered Starbucks in Mandarin.

From "Things you can do in Taiwan that you can’t do in Singapore."

(I paused to give my initials for dramatic effect. Not because I was working her question out in my head, or wondering if I should give my name in Mandarin or English.)

Worn a traditional cheongsam to a wedding.

And also to my Dinner & Dance.

Passed my Chinese test.

And most recently,

Visited a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner!

And here are some things that I learnt from my experience....

#1 The furniture is not brown.

So based on my very limited understanding of TCM, I expected the place to look something like this joss paper place that I visited in Taiwan earlier this year. You know, lots of brown and filled with old Chinese stuff...

Well, I was wrong. The place where I went to, Aegle Wellness Clinique, was very white, clean and pristine.

So yes, not brown and woody at all! Also I hope you didn't miss the landmark moment where I admitted that I was wrong. Stuff like that doesn't happen very often seeing that I'm very seldom wrong.

#2 It's a modern practice.

Okay so I thought that the T in TCM stood for "traditional" for a reason. Because, you know, it would be patronised by balding Chinese men with long grey beards. And that I'd be served by doctors who referred to huge yellowing medical charts and used huge cauldrons to brew their concoctions in. Kinda like in Potions class in Hogwarts.

(Via Wikia).

But with Chinese charts instead of recipes for the Felix Felicis, of course.

(Via Well Woman).

But as it turns out, I was wrong (again). I didn't see any Chinese anatomy charts hanging around, nor did I see any huge dusty volumes. They did however, have nice and shiny laptops, which fit in with the rest of the shiny interior.

So I was a little disappointed to be honest.

#3 They serve tea.

So when I was in Taiwan, I was served tea almost every where I went. Even in a joss paper shop.

But since whatever initial perceptions I had of TCM had been shattered within 5 minutes of my visit, I really wasn't expecting to get any tea. BUT HEY! Here is me and my tea.

And also a grumpy Smith. Because they gave him plain old water. And not detoxifying tea made from wolfberries, rosebuds and chrysanthemum.

Perhaps he does not need the detox. Or perhaps detox tea does not work when it comes to cleansing of the mind.

#4 The practitioners give sound diagnoses.

Well, I don't know about you, but I grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons like Jackie Chan Adventures. And in Jackie Chan Adventures you learn that Uncle can uncover mysteries and solve the unsolvable by jumping on the spot, waving magical stuff around, and chanting in Cantonese.

(Luckily I am Cantonese. Or I might be accused of being racist. - Via Taringa).

Anyway, Dr Kong was very good. He asked me to stick out my tongue, glanced at it for all of 2 seconds. and went....

(Via The Sassy Gabriel).

Guilty as charged.

#5 Acupuncture is more than just needles.

So you may or may not know that I'm not one to make the wisest decisions when it comes to posing for photos...

And this is especially so when I go on holiday. You know what's the problem with being flexible? You do stupid things like this because you CAN.

Which is not a great idea because you get stuck and your friend (read: James) just stands there laughing at you. Oh and also it's really bad for your knees. And so now my left knee hurts slightly when I do spider lunges and stuff like that. Yes. I do sometimes attempt to engage in some physical activity.

Anyway, luckily for me, Dr Kong was there to fix my knee. So he examined my leg to isolate the problem.

And then he stuck needles into my knee.

I also got a medicated bandage for my knee.

It looks scary, but actually it's okay. Also it doesn't have a smell. Just in case any of you were wondering.

Anyway, acupuncture is a packaged experience which doesn't just involve needles. The complete experience involves 推拿, or, as Wikipedia defines it:

"Chinese manipulative therapy often used in conjunction with acupuncture, moxibustion, fire cupping".

So yes, I had my first 推拿 session.

It was not bad considering I hate it when people touch me unnecessarily. Ask me about why I hate interacting with therapists and counsellors. I have a good story on that.

#6 TCM can help you stop snacking (TBC).

So yes, we've already been through this, but let me reiterate my point - I love to snack.

And this has been a big problem for me recently. Because snacking makes you drink water, and water makes you pee. And the female restroom near my seat is undergoing renovation. So they converted the male restroom into a female restroom.

(I thought whoever did this was quite clever. Sadly, someone else did not think so and this was taken down. I would like to highlight that I was unfortunately not the one who thought of it).

The rationale I'm guessing, is that females can be bitches when they have full bladders/are inconvenienced/feel like being one. So the management thought it would be better just give the the male restroom to the females and let the males suffer in silence like they so often do.

(Via Imgur).

BUT IT'S SO WEIRD TO USE THE MALE RESTROOM. THERE ARE URINALS. IT'S STRANGE. So I go to the restroom on Level 3. Which requires me to climb stairs/use my access pass/greet unfamiliar people etc etc.

(Via Imgur).

And I really can't be asked to do all that. But Dr Kong had the solution! He pasted paste something on an acupoint in my ear, and told me that all I needed to do was to rub the patch whenever I felt like snacking, and my urge to snack would be curbed.

Can you see it? It's near the helix of my ear. Sorry. I already established that taking selfies is not one of my stronger suits.

Yeah anyway, efficacy to be confirmed. But it would be quite cool if it really works!

So yes. TCM! If you want to give it a try, you don't have to be like Pornsak and like, experiment on yourself. (Yeah. Crazy right?!)

(Dr Porn: My dad was my guinea pig via TNP).

Instead, you can visit Aegle Wellness Clinique to get treated by professionals. I suspect it will be safer than attempting to jab yourself with needles. AND, because you read my blog, you'd be able to get a one-time discount on a trial session of the Livewell Program.

Under Aegle Wellness' Livewell Program, physicians will use a holistic TCM approach to health and healing to ensure that you have a good balance of Yin and Yang, and a smooth flow of Qi (life energy) throughout the body. So maybe you will end up being as kick-ass as Kung Fu Panda.

(Via Entertainment Weekly).

The original price of the trial is $150. However, if you quote "JacXAegle", you get 50% off the treatment price. Good ah? #simisaialsoSG50

Aegle Wellness Clinique is located at 44 Rochester Park, Singapore 139248.

You can find more information on Aegle Wellness Clinique on Facebook and their website. And it's relatively near my house. So let me know if you're going and we can have coffee* at Starbucks' first destination store in Singapore aka Starbucks Rochester Park.

(Via Business Insider).

*Subject to whether I like you or not.

Okay and here is a song from The Far East Movement because #Asian. And also because you can visit a TCM physician if you're feeling unwell so that you'd never have to be the illest.

Happy end of your weekend guys.

❤ Jac.

PS: I wonder if TCM can cure Sunday night blues.

Hello guys!

As you probably know, I'm an extremely hard worker who is very committed to doing her job well. You can always find me in the office, hard at work, pouring over stacks of reports or typing furiously at my computer screen.

Oops. Wrong picture. I meant to put this.

(Via pandawhale).

I don't actually have a picture of me in full-fledged work mode because my colleagues all know that I would bite their heads off if I get even the slightest bit disturbed when I'm in the zone. Which is of course, 95% of the time. I'm a very hardworking individual you see.

Anyway, during one of the rare times when I was taking a break at work, I chanced upon these awesome "Misfortune Cookies".

And I was immediately drawn towards them. Why? Well, let me lay it down for you.

#1 To the point.

I'm sick of what I see on my social media - my feeds are being flooded with people posting pseudo-intellectual quotes, phoney inspirational quotes, and supposedly motivational speeches. Like this quote which I got off someone's sharing of "50 Love Quotes for Your Boyfriend".

(Via herinterest).

What's this supposed to mean? I have no idea. There are so many words but none of them make any sense. I guess this is why I am not in a relationship. Clearly I need to learn how to say things other than "Can you stop posting sappy stuff online? It is very disgusting."

(Via Giphy).

Which makes the Misfortune Cookies were a refreshing change. Because unlike these numerous articles and posts which encourage people to share long strings of texts worth nothing of significant value, these cookies contain statements which are concise and logical.

Shelby's misfortune: "Things can only get better. But they won't."

Gavin's misfortune: "You can't polish a turd."

See? No airy-fairy nonsense. Short and to the point. I can follow.

#2 Brutally Honest.

(Via Imgur).

In this era of social media and the internet, blunt honesty is a commodity that has become extremely scarce. Everything is covered in layers of cotton candy, rainbows, and fluff. Oh you turned vegetarian because the idea of killing is deplorable? You left out the part about you still being able to eat fish. Oh you're fit because you go to the gym everyday? You left out the part where you spend 90% of the time spent in the gym taking selfies in the mirror.

(Via Complex).

Yes. Everything is presented to you in half-truths or lies. Which makes these brutally honest Misfortune Cookies extremely rare and valuable.

Eleanor's misfortune: "Be yourself. No one would want to be you anyway."

Julian's misfortune: "You make others feel good about themselves. In comparison to you."

Thad's misfortune: "You missed out on something over the past 20 years. That whole 'fashion' idea."

Dr House would secretly approve.

#3 Mercilessly Funny.

The value of dark humour has been lost in this age of feel-good productions such as Frozen, Glee, and Pitch Perfect. I disapprove. Sarcasm and witty insults have become an underappreciated art form.

(Via We Know Memes).

But it's okay. Because the Misfortune Cookies are here to revive dark humour by insulting your friends/enemies in a wickedly amusing manner.

Jo's misfortune: "Do you love nature despite what it did to you?"

Christine's misfortune: "If your life were a film, it would be zero out of five stars."

Chengwei's misfortune: "How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?"

#4 Suitable for Everyone.

Because I had 3 boxes worth of Misfortune Cookies on hand, I decided to force them upon everyone I knew, whether they seemed interested or not. And as it turned out, everyone was very amused by them!

You can give them out to friends who could use a laugh.

Edward's misfortune: "There's something not right about you!"

Eugene's misfortune: "Your personal reminder for the rest of the year: Go home. Pull duvet over your head and wait for it to pass."

*Edward and Eugene are the brothers behind popular Korean lunchbox concept restaurant Dosirak.

**Enemies* whom you think need a reality check.**

Nyx's misfortune: "At the end of your rainbow is a crock of shit."

Yvonne's misfortune: "You're going to need to learn something from the Incredible Hulk: How to be really strong."

*Photos are for illustrative purposes only, I am too lovable to have enemies.

You can give them to healthy people who exercise and stuff.

(Misfortune cookies are suitable for the lactose-intolerant, and also for vegans).

Jamie's misfortune: "You couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag"

Zach's misfortune: "If today were a fish, I'd chuck it back in if I were you."

Steph's misfortune: "By Monday you'll be famous. No, wait. Infamous."

*Steph and Jamie are instructors at Bobbi's Pole Studio Singapore. Zach is a personal trainer who has more muscles than you.

But unhealthy people seem to love them too!

Smith's misfortune: "Don't worry. Sooner or later we'll stop noticing it."

Chris' misfortune: "Has anyone ever told you that you were very good-looking? Nah, didn't think so."

Yeah so give them to whoever you like. Doesn't matter. They will be grateful just to receive one of these awesome misfortune cookies.

Jason's misfortune: "One day you'll be sitting in the basement painting a model railway."

Elaine's misfortune: "Get yourself a lawyer."

Unless of course, you are interrupting their PS4 game time. Then maybe not.

James' misfortune: "You will inherit - a big box of nothing."

James, "But I knew that already!"

#5 Very Good Design.

Maybe it's because I encounter a lot of brainless people in my line of work, or maybe it's just my luck to have met 90% of the products manufactured by the stupid factory.

(Via Amazon).

Whatever it is, it has made me very appreciative of products which obviously required a lot of creativity, brains, and careful planning. Just look at the amount of thought put into these Misfortune Cookies...

Each box contains 13 Misfortune Cookies.

(Via Pechkeks).

The cookies are individually wrapped with four different motifs -

A black cat...and the rest I can't really figure out. The point is, they are spooky, cool, and well thought through.

(Via Pechkeks).

The cookies are black.

While many might have considered inserting snarky notes into fortune cookies, I don't think many would have thought of making the cookies, or even the slips of paper as dark as the messages that they contain. So kudos to these guys!

And yes, here are some of the messages I liked the best.

Jing Jing's misfortune: "Judging by your karma, you must have done something really bad in a previous life."

Cheryl's misfortune: "There's a list of people who have better luck than you - It's called a phone book."

Yanliang's misfortune: "There's a list of people who have better luck than you - It's called a phone book."

And also a special mention to Yi Han because she was obviously having a good hair day, in spite of rain following her everywhere she goes.

Okay and now I have come to the end of my post. Sorry I couldn't fit all of you guys into the post, but the rest of the pictures can be found here (I will embed the album soon). Also I would have loved to have given out more cookies (one of the rare times when I felt generous), but I ran out!

Oh and yes, let me round up this post with my misfortune.

"Feel free to waste the day away. It makes no difference in your case." #truth.

I'd like to thank Pechkeks for sending me the boxes of Misfortune Cookies to review. It was awesome! Anyway, if you'd like to get a box for yourself, you can visit their online shop here. You can also like them on Facebook to follow their latest updates!

And now a brutally honest song to wrap up this post.

And as the people at Pechkeks signed off...
All the terrible best,
☠ Jac.

*I hope you noticed that I changed the heart in my sign off to a skull and crossbones.

Hi guys!

Do you know what day it is? It's 16 July! Which is otherwise known as...

That's right! World Snake Day! Bet you didn't know such a day existed but well, NOW YOU KNOW!

(Via Giphy).

So World Snake Day, like many other important occasions became a recognised holiday to spread awareness for an important cause, in this case, the knowledge of snakes. Other lesser known occasions which recognise some of humanity's reasons to continue existing on this planet include International Sushi Day (18 June), World Cheeseburger Day (18 September), and Jac's Birthday (22 August).

Yeah but back to World Snake Day! So because I'm an enlightened individual who is well aware of her callings and duties as a citizen of the world, I'm going to do my part for World Snake Day by sharing some lesser known facts about this wonderful reptile. So presenting...

#1 You are 4 times more likely to die from snakes than from lightning.

So globally, 24,000 people die from lightning every year^[1].

(Via Gizmodo).

In contrast, 100,000 people die from being bitten by one of our friendly reptilian friends^[2].

(Via Imgur).

But most of these fatalities from snake bite occur in Africa. Followed by Asia, which is essentially where we are. But you know, as long as you keep away from the really evil looking snakes, you should be fine.

(Via Atomica).

#2 Only about 6% of snakes are worth your anxiety.

So if you're worried about not being able to identify what is a "really evil looking snake", GOOD NEWS! Out of the 3,400+ species of snakes in the world, only 600 are venomous, and only 200 of these are considered as "medically important"^[3]. So nothing for you to be too concerned about really.

(Via Giphy).

#3 Cobra blood is a delicacy in Vietnam.

Have you heard of the Asian solution to preventing your new shows from giving you blisters? You bite them before they bite you. Yes it's true. We Asians are crazy.

(Via Know Your Meme).

Anyway, if you subscribe to the belief that biting your shoes will prevent them from biting you, then logic only dictates that this practice should work on snakes as well. In Vietnam, you can have rice wine enhanced with a shot of fresh cobra blood!

(Via Stunning Places).

Chased down with none other than a shot of fresh cobra bile and the cobra's still beating heart of course.

(Via Vice).

A sure-win formula for preventing those nasty cobra bites I'm sure!

Oh and also, going by that logic, it's high time you showed some appreciation to your dog for chewing up all your shoes - he was just trying to help you avoid some nasty blisters!

(Via WebMD).

#4 Anaconda mating sessions are nature's equivalent of a gang bang.

I'm not kidding! They form this thing called a "mating ball" or "breeding ball" where 2-12 male anacondas just um, writhe around one female to try to inseminate her. So what you really get is one whole mass of writhing snakes.

(Via Anacondas).

It's quite fascinating really. Here! Watch it on National Geographic!

#5 Snakes are by far the most common "polycephalic" animals.

Or depcephalic if you want to be more exact. What this means that snakes are the most likely animals to be born with two heads. Which is a pity. I know many human beings who could use another head.

(Via Buzzfeed).

The chances of a two-headed snake being born is less than one in a million^[4], so consider yourself lucky that you get to see this nice gif of a two-headed snake drinking some water.

(Via Giphy).

#6 There are coffins for snakes.

Ball pythons, or regius pythons, are treated with great respect in Nigeria, possibly because they used to be worn as jewellery by African rulers.

(Via Edmonton).

If one is accidentally killed, many towns build a coffin for the snake’s remains and give it a short funeral.

(Via Cartoon Stock).

#7 Snakes are being drugged in Guam.

Looks like humans aren't the only ones OD-ing on Tylenol. Brown tree snakes who have decimated Guam's entire population of native birds and bats, are being drugged to death by air dropped mice packed with Tylenol, which disrupts the oxygen-carrying ability of the snakes' haemoglobin blood proteins, causing them to go into a coma and DIE. Tragic right?

(Via Fox News).

Of course, it was the humans who inadvertently introduced the brown tree snake into the Guam ecosystem in the first place. Imbeciles.

(Via Tumblr).

#8 The King Cobra is the only snake which eats other snakes.

(Via Wilderhood).

The king cobra's generic name, Ophiophagus is a Greek-derived word which means "snake-eater", because well, it eats other snakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or just that one dinner which lasts for a few weeks, anyway.

(Via National Geographic).

I'm guessing that's also why the other snakes have no issue with calling them King.

#9 Snakes can open doors.

Well, its quite a well known fact that some snakes can fly. Or, "fall with style" if you're particular with terminology.

(Via eonline).

Like there have been reports of the Paradise Tree Snake happily gliding through the windows of HDB flats on the 7th floor. Like this one right here!

But did you know that snakes can also open doors?! Check this video out. And in case you were wondering, the snake switched on the lights as well.

Better lock your doors in addition to keeping the windows shut if you want your house to be snake-proof.

Okay I've come to the end of my list! And I'd like to end off with a picture of a Paradise Tree Snake which James *cough* spottedin Labrador Park the other day.

(Yes! The flying kind!)

And also a picture of me an an albino python regius of course.

No points for guessing what song you'd be left with.

Happy World Snake Day guys! Have a good long weekend!